The Quarterly Grain Report

A Gentleman's Tradition

One custom that seems slightly off is the tradition of a man passing out cigars when his wife gives birth to a child of some kind. I'm not sure whether this display of inter-office generosity takes place in the event of a female child, but for the sake of argument, let's say not. Or yes. No matter. I just can't make the connection.

A new father walks into the office one morning, and sees his best buddy Paul. "Paul, old friend, as you have no doubt heard by now, my wife has just born me an heir. My seed will indeed carry on for years to come. For it is strong, my seed. Like oxen! So here's some tobacco. Let us taste the sweet aromas, and laugh from deep within our stomachs to commemorate this proud achievement! Smoke, Paul! And pour me another glass of that Blue Hawaiian Punch! But not too much, for it will surely irritate my healing ulcers!"

posted by Arthur Croft Yates @ 7:00 PM