The Quarterly Grain Report

Old Man Winter, unable to deliver the falsetto tones insisted upon by the rest of the Four Seasons, is replaced by a young singer named Frankie Valli. Winter's violent temper was often the subject of heated arguments amongst founding members, and when Bob Gaudio became severely frostbitten following a performance in Sacramento, the rift between Winter and the rest of the Seasons only widened. Just days before his replacement, an unseasonable frost completely destroyed the vegetable gardens of every group member except Winter. To this day, he still denies any involvement.