Black Tar Investments: A Sound and Fulfilling Future
Here's a question to start off the evening: Does the purchase and subsequent wearing of a Grateful Dead t-shirt require that I increase my consumption of illicit substances? In reflecting on this, I'm reminded of the time that Jerry Seinfeld claimed, if offered the opportunity to take part in a menage a trois*, he would refuse, based upon the fact that if he were to participate in any kind of orgy, he would have to get new drapes and grow a mustache. So, going along with this line of thinking, one can conclude that I would in fact be forced to consume my fair share of drugs to warrant the display. That, and listen to some of their music.
*As I wasn't about to type this into a search engine, the spelling will remain as is. You all know what I'm referring to...(if ellipses could be suggestively italicized, they would be used in this instance)
Another helpful hint to get you through whatever problem you may be having. It doesn't matter whether you have just received a sliver from your sorry attempt at building your own deck, or recently had a beloved childhood pet pass on... the bumper of a Chrysler! Zing!
Sorry. That was tasteless. Like a rice patty. But seriously, if any problem should ever arise, just listen to some James Taylor, and you'll melt away.
I don't know if anybody else has seen this show, but today, while I was scanning through the channels in search of some adult-oriented, TV-14 situations, I stumbled upon a talk show in which audience members shout rapid-fire questions at the host regarding which stocks to invest in and/or avoid. The host, in turn, shouts even more violently his answers, all the while sweatily pacing across his set, framed by cameramen who, evidently, have frequent, on-air bouts with epilepsy.
And this is where people are getting advice about their financial well-being. If anyone is actually thinking about considering the advice that was spewed at them from the type of "expert" that only MSNBC would give a show to, please also consider: An addiction to heroin. Not only will heroin get you the same financial results as would the maniacal market advice, but it grants you a satisfaction that a bear market rarely, if ever, provides.
And let me leave you with a delightful ironic situation that happened to me this very day. As I was returning from cleaning the dirt off my boots in a large puddle of rainwater, I stepped directly in a patch of thick, gravyesque mud! Can you believe that?! After I had just finished cleaning the boots! They're now dirtier than ever! What a marvelous ironical situation!
posted by Arthur Croft Yates @ 7:28 PM
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