The Sargent Files
Sunday, July 17 will probably not go down as an out-of-the-ordinary day, or even a day that will be remembered after a few more have passed, but I shall chronicle it to the best of my abilities anyway. The following events may, or may not have been embellished to pique the interest of the reader, as well as the typist.
7:48 AM - Was awakened by the shrill laughter of what I deduced to be a woman approximately twelve feet beneath me. Even through the floorboards and carpet padding I knew the laughter to be polite and forced. The kind of pseudo-chuckling that serves only to ensure that the failing story-teller not have his soul shattered with the realization that he was, indeed, booed out of open-mic nite for a reason.
Between 8:33-8:39 AM - Laughter stops, and I fall back asleep. I refrained from officially getting up for the day, and opted to ride out the piercing tones, figuring that the horrible anecdote must be almost over, and that the man mustn't have that much material. Holy Christ was I wrong. I even attempted to recreate the trademark stunt that has been used on every sitcom when loud, wacky neighbors are being a nuisance, and pulled the pillow around my ears. But this did little more than impede respiration, so it was short-lived and ineffective.
10:24 AM - Official wake-up. Feasted on a nutritious breakfast consisting of toasted bread along with a delightful treat of juice that had been extracted from apples.
11:02 AM-3:22 PM - Contemplated the outcome of a bare-knuckles brawl between Dick Sargent and Dick York. Concluded that Sargent would prevail in most scenarios, due to York's degenerative spinal disease.
5:15 PM - Another deep thinking session. Topic: At Halloween, why are pumpkins carved with spooky, angry facial features? Are people supposed to be frightened of a gourd's menacing, evil grin? What is the worst that a dead gourd could be plotting? Retrieval of it's moist innards? Dressing its gaping wounds to prevent infection and rotting?
I came up with very few answers, only further questions.
posted by Arthur Croft Yates @ 7:54 PM
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