The Quarterly Grain Report

After only a few months on the air, Vincent Price's character is written out of the classic TV sitcom, Mr. Ed. According to producers, Price was unable to come within fifteen feet of the horse without the animal becoming spooked and letting out horrific, unnatural bellowing noises. It was scripted that Price's character, resident veterinarian Dr. Frederick Watson, would be killed in a freak hanging/impaling incident, carried out by the undead skeletons that reside in the mysterious mansion belonging to Wilbur's recently deceased uncle. When reached for comment, Price addressed the situation: "Perhaps your hands will shake and he, too, will die under your knife. A few remaining minutes are all you have. Because when the acid reaches him, he will have a face like mine! Upstairs, in my safe, is a most precious map of papyrus. The way to a pharaoh's tomb! Beneath which flows, each two thousand years, the River of Life. We must make haste and find the river at its flood. The key controls the gates and much more, the life of your Diana. And you have only three minutes to use it. Now, save your Diana!" (ghoulish laughter)