Discussion of Nobel Candidates Erupts into Fisticuffs
MIAMI FL- A pregame discussion of the most recent Nobel Prize-winning laureates degenerated into an all-out melee during Saturday's college football game between the University of Miami and Florida International.
According to reports, a number of Florida International players, as well as many Miami athletes had been exhibiting signs of disbelief, anger, and frustration over the Nobel Committee's choice of American astrophysicists John Mather and George Smoot as the 2006 recipients of the prestigious award.
"We've had a few pretty bad weeks of practice since the announcement," said Miami head coach Larry Coker. "[Free Safety] Anthony [Reddick] missed four team meetings, and when he did show up, all he wanted to do was pick fights with anybody who supported Mather. I'm glad my kids are interested in the world of science, but I'm sorry. Hurricane football comes before groundbreaking physics achievements."
When asked what triggered the seemingly random outbreak of violence, Reddick responded bitterly.
"All the motherfuckers on the Nobel Committee gotta be out of their fuckin' skulls," said Reddick about the 2006 award. "How the fuck is Giorgio Bellettini walkin' away without the fuckin' medal in his hand?! Some niggas who discovered the motherfuckin' black body form and anisotropies of the cosmic microwave background radiation are more important to these cocksuckers than my boy, who brought the fuckin' house down with his CDF 94 evidence, and then CDF-D0 95 observation?! Fuck that. I feel like vomiting right now."
Across town, Florida International athlete Chris Smith had also been stewing about the Mather/Smoot selection for the past few weeks. Though unlike Reddick, he had supported an entirely different contributor.
"Mather's a shitbag, man," said Smith following the on-field chaos. "He can shove his fuckin' black body up his mother's asshole, and so can Smoot and any niggas in his fucking corner. You know Tom Murdock did all the fuckin' work on that project. The COBE team discovered goddamn anisotropies in the motherfuckin' CMB, but now Mather and Smoot are the only niggas gettin' pussy off it?! The whole team won the fuckin' Gruber Prize, but now Murdock and his boys gotta eat shit all of a sudden?!
"Those Nobel cunts gone and fucked over the most deserving candidates once again," Smith continued. "It's all fucking politics man. That's all it is. You think Marty Perl was really the best guy out there in '95?! No. He just sucked tau lepton dick 'til he was at the top of the game. And I'm sick of it."
Prior to the football contest, a number of atheletes on both sides discussed this year's candidates and their respective scientific achievements without incident. But following a remark uttered by Miami holder Matt Perrelli about the Higgs, Yang, and Mills discovery team during the third quarter, Smith and his Florida International teammate Marshall McDuffie Jr. had had enough.
"That white boy's been talkin' a lot of weak Higgs particle shit all game," said McDuffie. "So me and Chris whooped his theoretical-ass. Fuckin' Yang-Mills theory?! You ain't bringin' that shit up in here! That Italian bitch was bound to get his ass beat for spittin' that kinda shit. It jus' ended up bein' us two niggas that done it."
In all, 31 players have been suspended for their roles in Saturday's heated, experimental physics debate.
According to reports, a number of Florida International players, as well as many Miami athletes had been exhibiting signs of disbelief, anger, and frustration over the Nobel Committee's choice of American astrophysicists John Mather and George Smoot as the 2006 recipients of the prestigious award.
"We've had a few pretty bad weeks of practice since the announcement," said Miami head coach Larry Coker. "[Free Safety] Anthony [Reddick] missed four team meetings, and when he did show up, all he wanted to do was pick fights with anybody who supported Mather. I'm glad my kids are interested in the world of science, but I'm sorry. Hurricane football comes before groundbreaking physics achievements."
When asked what triggered the seemingly random outbreak of violence, Reddick responded bitterly.
"All the motherfuckers on the Nobel Committee gotta be out of their fuckin' skulls," said Reddick about the 2006 award. "How the fuck is Giorgio Bellettini walkin' away without the fuckin' medal in his hand?! Some niggas who discovered the motherfuckin' black body form and anisotropies of the cosmic microwave background radiation are more important to these cocksuckers than my boy, who brought the fuckin' house down with his CDF 94 evidence, and then CDF-D0 95 observation?! Fuck that. I feel like vomiting right now."
Across town, Florida International athlete Chris Smith had also been stewing about the Mather/Smoot selection for the past few weeks. Though unlike Reddick, he had supported an entirely different contributor.
"Mather's a shitbag, man," said Smith following the on-field chaos. "He can shove his fuckin' black body up his mother's asshole, and so can Smoot and any niggas in his fucking corner. You know Tom Murdock did all the fuckin' work on that project. The COBE team discovered goddamn anisotropies in the motherfuckin' CMB, but now Mather and Smoot are the only niggas gettin' pussy off it?! The whole team won the fuckin' Gruber Prize, but now Murdock and his boys gotta eat shit all of a sudden?!
"Those Nobel cunts gone and fucked over the most deserving candidates once again," Smith continued. "It's all fucking politics man. That's all it is. You think Marty Perl was really the best guy out there in '95?! No. He just sucked tau lepton dick 'til he was at the top of the game. And I'm sick of it."
Prior to the football contest, a number of atheletes on both sides discussed this year's candidates and their respective scientific achievements without incident. But following a remark uttered by Miami holder Matt Perrelli about the Higgs, Yang, and Mills discovery team during the third quarter, Smith and his Florida International teammate Marshall McDuffie Jr. had had enough.
"That white boy's been talkin' a lot of weak Higgs particle shit all game," said McDuffie. "So me and Chris whooped his theoretical-ass. Fuckin' Yang-Mills theory?! You ain't bringin' that shit up in here! That Italian bitch was bound to get his ass beat for spittin' that kinda shit. It jus' ended up bein' us two niggas that done it."
In all, 31 players have been suspended for their roles in Saturday's heated, experimental physics debate.
posted by Arthur Croft Yates @ 7:03 PM
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